How Can You Love Me?
by Ponder
Summary: YAOI KenRan! The title says it all because it takes a look at Ran's unfair past. Through his eyes Ken gets an understanding on why Ran loves him. But can Ran understand why Ken loves him?


Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz. Koyasu and Project own them. ;_; Warnings: There is violence nothing very graphic, child abuse, references to rape, sexual inndeuo, angst, and yaoi (KenRan paring). Notes: This is a thank you fic for all of the people how have read my fics and for reviewing them. Also I have forgotten the people on ff.net so I hope this makes up for it. ^_^''' I also do thank all of you on my ML's because you have helped as well. I do thank you.  
  
****blah**** = flashback  
  
"Ken, how can you really love me?" I whisper into his ear. We are lying on top of our bed after a strenuous work out. No, it wasn't sex. it was an intense training secession. I'm about to nod off into dreamland when Ken asks me something. "What?" I ask because I didn't catch it the first time.  
  
He snuggles closer next to me. "What brought this on?" I look down at his face. I must have given him what he calls 'the adorable confused' look because he giggles. He meets my amethyst gaze with his topaz gems. "This."  
  
I really don't know what he's talking about. "What do you mean by 'this'?" He just looks at me and sits up. He runs his hand through his chocolate brown locks and sighs. He turns his head to face me. He leans in to give me a quick kiss and gives me a small smile.  
  
"You know what I mean. We've been together for almost a year."  
  
"Ken, we have been together for a year. Today our anniversary, remember?" He smacks his head and a few of curses come out of his mouth. He looks so cute when he has that guilty embarrassed look on his face. I love the way the afternoon sun bounces off of his golden chest.  
  
"I'm such a baka." He says and starts to get up. But, I stop him by wrapping my arms around his waist. He shrugs out of my hold. I tighten my hug. He gets an arm free and the next thing we know we're having a wrestling match. He pins on the bed. "You know I love you." He says before bringing his head down for one of those out of this world kisses. "You know, you haven't answered my question yet."  
  
I roll my eyes. "Well you haven't answered mine." I respond. He rolls so I'm on top of him. I lost my shirt some where in the wrestling match. Not that I'm complaining mind you. He knows I love to snuggle like this. I don't know if I'll ever tell him why I love.need the skin-to-skin contact. It's not my happiest memory or my proudest. I rest my head in the crook of his neck.  
  
I feel his hands rubbing my back. He always knew when I need a message. "Get off of me. You're still tense from our work out." As if he read my mind. I turn over on my stomach. He goes into the bathroom to retrieve the massage oil. He's back before I know it. I close my eyes and let the warmth overtake me. "How about this." Uh oh, I smell a compromise coming out of his mouth. "You answer my question while I massage you and then I will answer yours." He kisses my shoulder.  
  
I sigh. "Ok. you have to promise me this. You won't get mad or ticked or pissed or storm out of here or throw something. If you feel the argue to do any of those things.you'll just have to work out again." He sighs. He knows I'm afraid of his temper. On the contrary of what everyone thinks, my lover has one bad temper. I just don't want certain people to be on his hit list.  
  
"Fine, I will try to remain clam." I give him the glare. "Ok, ok, I get it. I will head to the gym as soon as you're done. Ok Precious?" My glare increases; he knows I hate being called that. He just giggles. If he weren't massaging me right now he'd be one dead man. "I'm waiting. You know I could massage you all day." His hands move down to the one stop that makes me turn to mush.  
  
"Ahh.yeah, right there." If he keeps doing this, he won't be able too much but rubbish out of me. I think in my mind where do I want to start. The beginning is always good but I don't know if he'll understand it. Damn, why does my life always have to be so messed up? "Well, where should I start?" Hopefully he'll give me a better answer then 'the beginning'.  
  
"Why not the beginning?" He answers. He places a kiss to my shoulder while wrapping his arms around me. "Come on move back here." He motions me to roll over and lay by him. Of course, I comply. I just love to snuggle against him. No one else but him knows that thought. If Yoji ever found out.I just don't want to know. Ken pokes me in the side.  
  
"If you want the beginning then I guess I'll start there. I was born on a nice summer day." He pokes me again. I know this may sound stupid but this is important. Funny as if may sound me talking about the day I was born like it was from a storybook. "This fact is important, KenKen." I head ah 'humph'. I guess he doesn't think so. "You rather I wasn't born at all?" I love to tease him.  
  
He's eyes get big. "I never said that." He mumbles then he nuzzles my neck. "I just think we don't need the story book start." He starts to kiss my weak spot behind my ear. I moan. He doesn't stop. He moves to my shoulder and proceeds to place a hicky there.  
  
"Are you done yet?" I can't help but moan again. He always knows how to turn me into goo. People say Yoji's bad but I think Ken takes the cake. After all once he's in the mood I never can get back down to the shop, much less do my morning shift. I just wish those lips would move somewhere else. Preferably off of me.  
  
"Am I doing anything?" He asks innocently. I attempt to glare at him. It's just so hard when his hand is wandering south.  
  
"Ken, do you want me to tell you or not?" If he doesn't stop I'm going to have a little problem. Ok well not that little. I do have to say I'm well hung but Ken takes the cake. I don't even think Yoji's as big as him. Yoji makes fun of how I walk after secession with Ken. If Ken took him I'm sure he would walk just like me. I feel his hands moving away from my pleasure spots.  
  
"I'll be good. But, I do have to tell you, Love; you're going to have to wear sweaters that cover your neck." I roll my eyes while he smiles at his handy work. He knows I'm going to be teased by Yoji. That is if he ever finds out but somehow he always does. I think Ken has something to do with that. I swear they compare notes every time they have sex.  
  
"Good. I wasn't born with the name Fujimiya Ran." Ken looks at me like I've grown two heads. I lie on my back and sigh. "I was born in America. And before you ask, yes, I have a duel citizenship. My name was.is. Hunter Mathews. Both of my parents were full breed Japanese. Somewhere along the line there was a foreigner introduced into the family but that was ages ago. Except the hair and eyes pop up in every other generation." I feel my love poke me with his elbows.  
  
"You know, I already told you I don't need the story book start. I would just like a shot, sweet, simple explanation." He puts his fingers out to demonstrate the point. He's soooo cute when he has that annoyed look. I know this whole thing sounds stupid right now but it's needed information.  
  
I tilt my head up to get a kiss in. "I know you don't like it. You'll understand later in my long but short story." I know that didn't make sense but it will. I'll only tell him the important facts of my life. There's only a few but they make up my twenty.no, eighteen years of life.  
  
**** "WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" a baby cried.  
  
"WHY CAN'T HE EVER SHUT UP!!" roared a voice. The voice came from a man. He came home drunk as usual. He was a businessman by day and a drunkard by night. "I mean he's five years old already!!" He was disgusted by his son. He hated, loathed, and despised him.  
  
"Shhh.there now." a clam voice said as she hugged her son. She loved her son but knew he wouldn't survive if she didn't get him out of the house. "You hit him. That's why he cried." Her voice was cold and her eyes were blank. She loved him when she married him. If she had known he would turn out to be a dunk.she would have never married him. But, it was too late now.  
  
"Why did we even have him? HUH!?!? He's nothing but a little brat!! YOU WANT TO ALSO KNOW SOMETHING ELSE!!! HE'S A FREAK!!"  
  
SLAP  
  
The man just glared at the woman. He smashed the beer bottle on the table. His teeth showed as he smiled a wicked smile at her. She knew she was in trouble but she couldn't stand him talking about her son like he was a freak of nature. She did the only thing she could do.run.  
  
The chair tipped over as the man got out of it. The woman didn't get far. She only got to the other room before she was yanked by the hair. He forced her down to the ground and smothered her face into the carpet. He pulled her up onto her feet by her hair and shoved her to the ground again. He put his foot on her spine and he sneered at her. All she could do was struggle and yell for help. In an instant she was dead. He raised the bottle in the air and slammed it into her skull.  
  
Little did he know the baby was watching. He knew his mommy and daddy had fights. He knew his daddy would hit his mommy. And, Mommy would scream and cry. Tonight was different. Daddy usually stopped.he didn't. He would beat him up instead of his mommy. He didn't. Daddy just kept pounding his fists onto Mommy. He didn't know what to do.he did what Mommy did and ran.  
  
The man never knew what hit him. The police came in and smashed his body to the ground. He fought them. He wasn't going to go down with out a fight. That's what his old man use to tell him. Never go down without a fight. So, the man didn't. He lunged at one of the officers and snapped his neck. Oh no, he wasn't going down unless he took some of the motherfuckers with him. The other bluecoats took out their guns and told him to get now on the floor with his arms out. He just laughed and smiled. He grabbed the nearest cop and broke his wrist. He held the gun to the coppers head and pulled the trigger because no one would back off. The others opened fire.  
  
The baby was still hiding. He just saw the good guys kill his daddy. His sight was blurred by the tears. He was sad, confused, and angry. He ran out and lashed at one of the law enforcement officers. ****  
  
"And that was my biological family. My father didn't love me because of my looks. My mother didn't care. She cared about me because I was her son." I sigh. I just scoot my body closer to his. I really need the physical contact right now. He understands that. He pulls me into a tighter embrace. I love him and I think he now is starting to understand why I love him so much.  
  
He kisses the top of my head. "I guess.I'm starting to see why you are they way you are." He is at a loss of words. Now that I blame him. I think if I was in his position I would be too. Not sure if I should comfort him or love him or do something. "Ran." he begins. "I love you. I know I can get violent but know this I will never hurt you." He kisses the top of my head again for emphasis.  
  
"I know you will. I love you too." He sighs a sigh of relief. I'm glad I have such an understanding boyfriend. I put my head into the crook of his neck. I don't know what else I should tell him. I mean there are so many events in my life that made me what I am. I wish I could erase some of them but in way they helped me become stronger.  
  
**** "Tousan stop!! PLESE STOP!!!" the women heard the boy's cries but could do nothing to stop it. Her husband had locked her in the closet. He had come home early.which never was a good thing. She had found out he had been fired from his job.  
  
"Get over here you little piece of shit!!" He grabbed the boy by his shirt collar and threw him down on the ground. Where he continued to beat the crap out of him. He was enraged because his wife insisted on adopting this freak of nature. He didn't care if the boy lived or died just as long as he had his living punching bag. He had caught his wife trying to hide the boy when he wasn't looking. He would take care of her later.  
  
Punch after punch after punch was delivered to his diminutive frame. He had tried to escape only to be pulled by back by his father. He wasn't supposed to do this to him. Even though he did it often. Sometimes his father would do it just for fun. Other times it was because he was angry with him. He didn't know why. He just wanted his father to love him. He joined kendo and karate to please his father. He also had straight A's. But that wasn't enough.it was never enough.  
  
All the poor woman could hear was the sound of flesh against flesh. She, now, wished she had seen the boy. That she would turn back time and warn herself not to adopt the lonely five year old. She thought her husband would understand. But, of course, he didn't. He never did.  
  
Another blow to the chest and a kick to the face. He enjoyed seeing the boy moan and cry in pain. In mid strike something stopped him. It was an officer. The neighbor had called the police. They had rushed over as soon as they could. It took five guards to bring him down. ****  
  
"And that was my second family. Kaasan was nicer then my biological mother. I think she was the best one I had." I sigh and kiss him on the lips. I turn my head to the side and am surprised to see that it's already three o'clock. And to think, I'm still at the beginning of my life.  
  
"How old where you?" Dang! The one question I didn't want him to know. Oh well he would have found out sooner or later. He starts to poke my sides. Like that would make me answer faster. He knows I'm not ticklish there. "Come answer the question RanRan or else KenKen will do something awful to you." There is an evil glint in his eyes.  
  
I'm being stubborn as usual. So I keep my mouth shut. It's nice just to lie here with him like this. "Hahahaha.QUIT IT!!" I try to roll away form his hands. Uh oh.he's going for the neck. Nooo!! I'm way too ticklish there. I will crumble in seconds. Not even seconds more like milliseconds. I will not give in. "Ken stop!! STOP!!" I keep laughing. I swear I'm going to die. If I did die right now my tombstone would be really funny. I just see it now 'Ran Fujimiya Died of Laughter (Literally)'.  
  
"Do you give?" He asks. His hands let up for a minute before resuming their lecherous task. Me, who is the block of ice, won't budge. I will not give in even if it means I die from laughing. But hey ice does crack.  
  
"Ok, ok.I give! I GIVE!!" His takes his hands off my body. "I was eleven. There happy." I ask him before I rest my head again his shoulder. I hear him mutter a soft damn before his arms tighten around me. I just sigh. I know he feels guilty about what I'm saying. I don't know why but I do know my lover likes to take the blame for everything that happens to me, whether it is good or bad. "It's not your fault." I whisper.  
  
"I know" He replies. "But Ran, you were so young." I roll my eyes at his comment. That's what everyone says when they hear my sob story and quite frankly I'm getting tried of it. I know he loves me and wants to protect me form all the evils in the world. But this is what happened before my wonderful year with him. Ok so more like two years a teammates before we became lovers. That's not the point. The point is it happened to me and I'm moved on.  
  
"My story is not over." I murmur. He gets up and faces me. He has that 'you can't mean it' expression. I wish it was true but my life can never be that easy. I sigh and push him down to his original position. "No it's not. I was raped a little while after that incident. I woke up in the hospital after it happened. I guess someone walked by and saw my body laying there and brought me to a hospital." I just shrug.  
  
"Dang, Love. How much more of this torture do I have to listen to?" He asks. Then kisses my shoulder to try to help ease the pain that comes with these memories. There really it isn't that much pain anymore. Since I saw a shrink. He helped me out quite a bit. Still it's nice to have the physical comfort after 'reliving' the nightmares.  
  
"I don't know. Depends if you want me to stop or not?" I snuggle closer into his chest. I just love the way he smells. He always smells like homemade chocolate chip cookies. I feel him shake his head. Too bad that wasn't the worse of my story. "Baby, I'm afraid to say I've been through worse."  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WORSE!!" He's angry. I'm not sure if at me or at the people who have hurt me. His eyes clam down. He must have seen the way I curled into a ball. Too many memories of seeing my 'father' pissed at me and knowing what happens next. A shudder must have run through my frame because I know Ken's there hugging me, telling me he's sorry, and he loves me. I don't know why I'm crying but I am. I guess I'm over due for releasing my emotions.  
  
"Are you ok?" He asks. I don't trust my voice. So I nod. "Oh.Ran, I'm sorry. You must think I'm a complete asshole." He gets off the bed and starts to pace. I know he's mad at himself for getting overworked. He runs a hand through his hair. One of his many signals of I'm ok just leave me a lone. "Ran.Love." He rushes upon and give me a bear hug.  
  
"Shh..." Funny I'm telling him it's ok and I'm the one with the messed up past, spilling out my heart to him. "I forgive you. I will always forgive you. I love you.no I need you too much to ever let you go." I know very sappy sounding but it's true. We lay back down on the bed. As I tuck my head under his chin, he holds onto me tighter.  
  
"I love you so much. You know that right." He grips my chin before I could say anything, making me look into his eyes. "I would never harm you as they harmed you in your past. Do you understand that Ran? Orchid, my beautiful Orchid, Omi, Yoji, and me are you family now. We would never do anything like that to you." He kisses me for reinforcement.  
  
"I know you wouldn't. You guys love me more then any family I ever had. Even the Fujimiya's didn't love me like you. I just wish I could see my biological family again." He gives me a funny look. Oh DAMN, I didn't mean to give away that little piece of information. Oh well it's too late now. I just hope he won't ask but knowing him he will.  
  
"What do you mean your 'biological' family? I thought."  
  
"No, my biological parents are dead. Well.I can't say that. I know my biological mother is dead. I don't know about my father. Anyway, my grandparents are not. It's another long memory."  
  
"I don't mind." He says. Sure he doesn't mind but I would like to see them in one piece. Knowing him, he's going to go ranting out of the room. He'll probably break another punching bag. That's now how I want to spend my anniversary. I stare into his eyes making sure he's not lying. But of course, I see nothing but the truth.  
  
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Well, I have to tell you about my shrink. He's name was Dr. Lake. He was great. He helped me realize that I was gay. He was even there after I had woken up from trying to kill myself." Opps, maybe I should have given that little piece of info out.  
  
"What do you mean?" He glares at me.  
  
"Well, I was sick of life. I had gone to another family after I was raped. They didn't help me. They tried to deny the fact that I was raped. It didn't help much because there was a constant reminder of it. I didn't eat much and well one day I got sick of life. I took a razor to my arms and well.the next I knew I was in the hospital staring to the face of a very unhappy Dr. Lake. After that he helped with the fact I was afraid of women."  
  
He puts a hand up to stop me. "Hold it. I thought you were raped." He give me that cute confused look when I interrupt him. His lips go into that kissable frown. I would kiss him right now if my mouth wasn't working  
  
"A male doesn't have to be raped by a man to be raped. Ok that didn't make any sense at all. What I mean is that I didn't have to be raped by a man. A woman would also rape a man and it is called rape not matter what. Rape is when someone sexually assaults someone else without his or her consent." I explain. Dang, I sound just like my shrink. So sue me, I did spend five years of my life talking to him and I still every now and then to and talk to him.  
  
He nods. "Ok I understand now. So were you gay before or after you were raped?' Of course, he has to ask that question. What concerned lover wouldn't? I just try to mold my body onto his. He knows I love to snuggle against his solid frame. He pokes me. "Well are you going to answer my question I don't have all day."  
  
I roll my eyes. "Yes, I was gay before I was raped. I wasn't very sure of myself then. I was raped by this women." I snuggle closer to him. He feels my distress and hold me tighter. I hate this part of the memory. "I did.I didn't want.it. She.she.she was high. I didn't do anything wrong. I was playing nice with my toys. She just came in." I feel Ken tremble me.  
  
"Honey, you don't have to say anymore. She assaulted you because you were the easiest target, right?" I nod my head. I have no clue where these tears came form. I haven't cried over this in years. Well at least I'm in my boyfriend's arms. "Did she undress you when she raped you?" Of course! How else would she do it? Sometimes I have to wonder how he can create soccer plays and still be so dense. I shake my head in response. "Is that why you prefer the contact of my skin?"  
  
"Un huh." I take my hand and rub it under my nose. We're now sitting against the headboard. He hands me a Kleenex. I murmur a thank you. Then he goes back to holding me. At times like these how could I not love him? He's soo wonderful, caring, loving, and all together perfect for me. I guess it's time for me to tell him why I love the feel of his skin. "I don't just like the feel of you skin.I need it. She undressed me. And." I swallow. "And, the feel of another's skin gives me comfort. It also reconfirms that I'm not with her. I'm with you. Your skin isn't the same feelings as her. Yours more rough and hers was soft and.and smooth. I feel all of your scars and I know it's you. When I woke up from nightmares I knew I was next to you and not her.because of your skin." I turn my head so I can get a kiss in. I can never get enough of his taste.  
  
"Mmm.just love you." He smiles at me as we break away. He looks like he understands now. "Are we done with 'story time'?" He asks. I know he has something planned for tonight. I'm just not sure what. Either way all this time spent with him has made me realize how much I need him in my life. If I was ever to lose Ken. I'm not sure if I could survive.  
  
I move my head to rest on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around my waist. "I know and I love you too. Unfortunately, I'm not done. I have one more memory to go over with you. It's a major one that kinda has shaped my life to what it is now." It's something I wasn't too proud of then but I am now. I move so I could lay my head on his lap. He strokes my hair. "Every family I've been though I've always visited my 'grandparents' on the weekends."  
  
**** "Ojiisan!! Obaasan!!" Ran yelled. Today was his tenth birthday and he was going to spend the weekend at his grandparent's house to celebrate it. He was sooo excited. His parents had already given him his birthday present. It was a brand new sweater. His parents got it form a garage sale.  
  
"How's my favorite grandson?" Ojiisan asked as he bent down to hug Ran. He noticed Ran was wearing an old sweater. One he never saw before. He wished he could shake his head but he didn't want to do anything to cause suspicion in Ran. "Hey, is this a new sweater?"  
  
Ran nodded. He laughed at his Ojiisan's comment. "Yes, it is. It isn't it pretty. Kaasan and Tousan got it for me." Ran smiled at he pulled the over sized sweater for his Ojiisan to see the full image. It was a picture of a soccer ball. On the bottom right there was a patch covering a hole. Ran didn't care. It was either that or didn't seem to notice. He was overjoyed his parents got him something this year.  
  
"Is that my one and only grandson?" Called Obaasan. She walked from the kitchen while she was wiping her hand off of the night's dinner. She loved to see her grandson but was also ashamed by how his parents treated him. Ojiisan let Ran go so he could say his to his Obaasan. She frowned when she saw him in an old ratty sweater.  
  
"Obaasan, see!! Kaasan and Tousan got it for me!" He exclaimed. He showed his grandmother what the called the 'pretty' sweater. He was just happy he would be spending the night somewhere else. Because Tousan was mad that night. He didn't know why but he didn't want to be there. Ran frowned for a moment. What about Kaasan? She would be there when Tousan woke up. Would Tousan hit her as he did him?  
  
"What's wrong, Ran-kun?" Obaasan asked. While her pride and joy was taking, she was having an 'eye' conversation with her husband. She didn't look away until she got the confirmation of he will talk with their daughter. "Ran-kun will you like to help me with dinner?" She asked. She knew he would say yes. After all this was the only time Ran got to eat homemade food and not to mention probably a full meal.  
  
"HAI!!!" Was the loud answer. He loved to help Obaasan with dinner. It was soo much fun. He wondered why his Kaasan didn't make dinner at home. After all she didn't do anything. Then again, she was never home to make dinner. ****  
  
"And that was the rest of the night. I helped her with dinner and we ate. Kaasan when home. These parents where the same ones I had till I was eleven. I didn't move to Japan until I was about five and half. I when though three other families before I was given to that one." I explained. I forgot I didn't give the dates as to when I switched families. Oh well there were soo many I kind of lost count. Ok that was a lie so I only had nine families. Ten if you count the one I have now. But at least this one is permanent.  
  
"Wow! I never thought you had such a hard life until now. I mean.I know your life was thought. Just like the rest of ours. But I never thought the pain ran so deep. I mean my soccer career ruined and betrayed by my best friend and ex lover. Yoji got the love of his life killed right before him and Omi was kidnapped and raised as an assassin since he was a kid. But you.I would have never would have thought you have so much pain to bear." He tilts my head up so he could look into my eyes.  
  
I close mine and sigh. Too bad there is one more memory to finish my story. He kisses my lips. Mmm.I was wondering when he was going to do that again. "Ken.koi, I'm afraid I have one more memory to go through. It's not as bad as the others.then again I don't know if I can say that." He gives me those questioning eyes. They are filled with concern. I don't know how I lived without him when I when through this.  
  
**** "Don't touch him!" Tousan yelled at Ojiisan and Obaasan. Ran hung his head in shame. He hoped his parents wouldn't tell them. After all they were the only ones left. He needed to be loved and love back. It looked like he would only be hated.  
  
"Why?" Obaasan asked. She looked at Ran with confusion. She wanted to go and hug her only grandson but couldn't. The court ordered if she broke any of Ran's parents rules she would never see him again.  
  
"Because he's a fagot." Tousan said. "I'm only allowing him to see you one last time. Then he is coming home with me." He said with an icy hate in his voice. He glared at his son with revulsion. He knew he should have never listen to his wife. He didn't want to adopt this thing and now he had to deal with a pervert in his house. That had harmed his honor. He turned to leave.  
  
But Ojiisan grabbed his arm. "When did this happen?" He whispered. He was holding back tears. His only grandson was homosexual. He didn't know if he could ever look Ran in the face again. He knew Ran's new adoptive parents were a very traditional family. They would never accept Ran. All he wanted to do was to run and hold his grandson. His pride and joy. He wanted to tell him that he wasn't evil or bad. Ran was good and kind. His Ojiisan loved him with all his heart and now he would never see Ran again.  
  
"A little over a week ago. I caught him kissing another boy." He glared at Ran before leaving them alone. They could feel the disgust radiating off of his body. He got into the car and started the engine.  
  
Ran knew he didn't have enough time to say a proper good-bye. He loved his grandparents sooo much. They were the only ones left. He had been through family after family but he always saw the same grandparents every weekend. Now he would never see them again. Only because he couldn't control his hormones! "I'm sorry." He whispered out.  
  
"It's ok." Obaasan murmured. She wanted to rush over to her grandson. She wanted to wrap her arms around the boy. No he wasn't a boy any more. He was a young man who was in pain. She wanted to show him what a family really was but she probably would never see him again. She wanted to show him that she still loved him but couldn't. All because of the stupid law!  
  
"We are still proud of you." Ojiisan could say love. It would be wrong. So he said the only thing he could think of. He was proud but he loved Ran but it was soo much more then that. Why? Why, couldn't he just tell them how much he loved him!?! Was it because he had to obey the law or was it because he, himself, was prejudice against homosexuals?  
  
Ran looked at them. He was holding back tears but a few seemed to slip away. They ran down his check. They said they were proud of him. He heard the horn beep. They said they were proud of him. He heard the door slam of the car. They said they were proud of him. He heard his Tousan yell at him and tell him to come. They said they were proud of him! He turned and walked away. As he went out the door he mouthed the words of I love you.  
  
He heard his Obaasan cry when she saw him say those words. The words he longed to hear. He thought he would hear them one last time but guessed wrong. He was alone. They were only proud of him. They didn't love him anymore. No one loved him anymore. Did anyone ever love him? He looked at the window of his grandparents house longing. He thought of that place as home but it was home no longer.  
  
All they saw were the tears of their grandson. ****  
  
"I was fifteen at the time." I burry my head in the crook of his neck. He just held me. "I love you." I whisper. Now he knows why. Why I wonder how he can love me? The one child who has never been loved. The one child always left behind. The one child who was never cared about until now. I look into his eyes. "How can you love me?" I ask.  
  
He takes a deep breath. "Come on we better get ready. Get dressed in these." He hands me a box. Why didn't he answer my question? I'll let him slide for now because my mind is reeling to know what's in the box. Why would he get me something? I thought we agreed not go get anything for each other. What did he get? Well better stop asking questions and start finding out the answer. I peel back the paper and open the box. "Ken they're beautiful! Thank you, koi." I lean over to kiss him.  
  
He laughs. "I'm glad you like them. Now hurry up and get dressed because I have a surprise for you." He smiles at me. He knows I hate surprises but then again this is our anniversary. And, knowing him he had this planned for months. That's probably why he made me promise not to get or plan anything for our first anniversary. Oh well what's done is done. I just hope I can get something for him tomorrow. That is if I'm not in bed all day with him. I chuckle to myself.  
  
He raps at the door. "Hurry up! We don't have all night you know. I do have other things in mind." He says thought the door. A blush sneaks in to my checks. I quickly change into the orange slick shirt. It strangely looks like my orange sweater. That's strange I thought Ken hated that thing. Oh well I'll ask him about it later. Next I put on the black slacks. Last but not least the new trench coat. Wow, how much did he spend on me? This does look an awful lot like the trench coat that in my closet. Except this one's black.  
  
I open the door. He cat calls. "Wow. I knew you looked hot before.but do you want to say here instead of where I was planning to go?" He asks. I just laugh at him and slide into his arms. I shake my head no. "Oh well I guess we'll just stay in bed all day tomorrow." He says. I burry my head into his shirt. I just love the smell of new clothes on him.wait a second he never buys new clothes to go on a date.  
  
Before I can ask what's going on, he takes my arm and hooks it with his. "Are you ready to go?" He asks. I dumbly nod my head. "Good, we're taking your car but I'm driving." Before I can open my mouth to say no, he let's go of my arm and takes my keys. That little brat! He knows I hate it when he drives my car. It's like when I want to drive his bike. We both suck at driving each other's vehicles and we're way too attached to them. He holds his arms out like 'you first' out the door of our apartment. I just glare at him on my way out.  
  
"What's going on here?" I question. He comes up behind me. "Surprise." He whispers. I turn around and kiss him. I'm soooo relieved that he isn't taking my baby. Instead we're taking a limo to where ever we're going. I'm excited now. I've never been in a limo and I did mention to him that I've always wanted to be in one.  
  
He holds the door open. "After you the love of my life." I blush and get it. There's no point to scold him at the public display of affection. He knows I don't like to show our affection publicly. But tonight is different. Tonight is a night of triumph and tragedy. It is a night that symbolizes all of our up's and down's we had making this relationship work. Now we're going to unify it.ok not yet but still we're going to go have fun.  
  
"So where are you taking me?" I ask. I snuggle against him. He puts his arm around me and kisses the top of my head. He usually does that when he's nervous. I can't think of anything for him to be nervous about. "You'll see when we get there." Just then the car stops. "We're here." He smiles and helps me out of the car.  
  
I look at our destination. I know I have a puzzled look on my face. "What are we doing here?" We're at the Koneko but why? We have the night off. Omi and Yoji said they were going to take care of it. Then again it was strange that Yoji would close on a Friday night.  
  
"I just wanted to get a couple flowers. You know to put in out coat pockets." He said. I followed him in the door. That's strange the Koneko's lights aren't on and the store says closed. We shouldn't be closed for another hour. Maybe Yoji convinced Omi to close early? That wouldn't surprise me but why did he knock on the door. It's like they were expecting us or something.  
  
"Suprise!!" Gets yelled at me. My eyes must have been as big as saucers. The Koneko has candles dispersed through the flowers. There is an arrangement here and there. But what's strange is there are small flower arrangements on the floor with candles in the middle of them. So that's why Ken, Omi, and Yoji where making up excuses about a large order of those arrangements. Omi and Yoji probably took the afternoon shift to finish decorating the Koneko.  
  
I turn around to face Ken. The love of my life, the only one I live for, and the only being in this world that makes everything I do worth something. I know I'm close to crying but I will not cry in front of Omi and Yoji. "Why?" I ask. It's the only think I can think of.  
  
He takes my hand. I'm about to say something but he hushes me with is finger. He gets down on one knee. I realize what he's doing and I don't believe it. "Ran, Love, Baby, Koi, there are so many names I can call you. You are the moon to my sunshine. You asked me why and how could I love a man like you. How could I not? You may have been unloved by other people and treated poorly but know this I love you. They love you. I have so many reasons for why I love you. You are the one who kept me sane over the years. When we first meet on the top of the building. You were the first one to block me. I saw a pain in your eyes. One I haven't seen in so long. You reminded me of me. Then I meet you here. I punched you because I wanted to take you down. In my mind no one stopped my blades. Then after the fight and after I tended your wounds I saw you in a different light. You weren't fighting for the same reasons as Omi, Yoji, and me. You were fighting to say alive. I'm glad you did because after our first mission together. I fell hard for you. Now I'm glad you felt the same. After the mission remember our talk about how I was never going to leave your side. I love you not for your looks or your charming personality but because you're you. You're caring, kind, and down right sexy in your own way. You have proved to me that you are the only one for me. After living in the same apartment as friends and lovers. I would like to take it to the next level. Fujimiya Ran will you marry me?"  
  
I know I'm crying now. I can't stop the tears. "Yes." I whisper it's barely auditable in my own ears but Ken hears it. He smiles and puts the ring on my finger. So this is why he didn't answer me. He wanted to tell me in his own way that he loves me and will always love me. It's not because of my looks he loves me it's because I'm me. He gets up off of the floor and hugs me. He tells me he loves me. "I love you." I say. I know what real love is now.  
  
He pulls away. "I love you because you're what makes up my other half. You are the missing part in me. I was lonely before I meet you. Now I hope I will make you a decent husband." I just hug him tighter. We sit down at the table that is now in the middle of the circle. I enjoy the rest of the evening knowing my family loves me because I'm me.  
  
"Every theory of love, from Plato down, teaches that each individual loves in the other sex what he lacks in himself." - G. Stanley Hall  
  
Kaasan = mother Tousan = father Obaasan = grandmother Ojiisan = grandfather  
  
Woo! *wipes the sweat off of her head* So how do you like it? I wanted this to be my first serious oneshot and decent too. Well this is for all of you readers to read my fics. I thank all of the readers who read my stuff only once and for the people who keep coming back for me and to the people who do not leave review thank you for reading. I do have some people to put in the spotlight. Myaku for reading and helping me with the grammatical and technical stuff.  
  
ChibiJaime for letting me use her OC in Past. Jin for all of you encouragement on Wingless and talking online *Ran's eyes as wide as saucers lol* Sukunami for writing my PWP part in Past. Since I can't write anything like that. For you letting me use you idea for Wingless to twist it to my own uses. Koyasu for the comments with my fics when I asked you online and you comments on Past. Madiha for reviewing my fics since the beginning of my fic Past and all of your comments on all of my other fics. How you've been coming back for more even though my updates take forever. If it wasn't for you Past wouldn't have been as long as it is now. 


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